Insane Magic: Version 2 1/2
by Nathan Huss
Summary: This is actually a remake of my first fanfic ever. Unfortunately, IMO, the first version sucks, so I ended up redoing it and I came up with this..
1. Part 1

The ever-inconstant disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 does not belong to me.   
Virtually any other characters in the fic do. The only person I'm ripping   
off, then, is myself. I'll let you people know how much I'm suing myself for   
later.  
  
" " is when someone speaks in Japanese  
"~ ~" is when someone speaks in English  
/ / is when someone is thinking  
* * is sound effects  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
Insane Magic: Version 2 1/2  
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic  
Written By Nathan Huss  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
I Control The Vertical.  
  
(Cut to Ranma blasting Happosai into the sky using a Hiryu Shoten Ha.)  
  
I Control The Horizontal.  
  
(Cut to Ryoga slamming Happosai into a wall with a Shishi Houkoudan.)  
  
I Control... The Special Effects!  
  
(Cut to Happosai about to throw a Happo-fire-burst at Ranma and Ryoga,   
but it explodes while he is still holding it.)  
  
UKYO: "Hey! This is the exact same thing you used in the first   
version!"  
  
Don't Knock It. It Still Works.  
  
UKYO: "You're even using the words with the first letters in capitals."  
  
It's My Fanfic. I'll Do What I Want To With It. Don't Make Me   
Include You In The Outer Limits-Like Intro Like I Did The Guys.  
  
UKYO: "Fine. Go ahead."  
  
Thank You.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Another school day dawned over the town of Nerima.  
  
"Ranma, you're going to be late!" Akane shouted.  
  
Ranma acknowledged this by eating his breakfast faster. He finished,   
and put the empty bowl on his father's head. He hopped off Genma's back,   
and raced to the door.  
  
"About time," Akane said as they left the house.  
  
"Had a small argument with Pop over what it means when food is in front   
of my spot," Ranma said.  
  
"That seems to be about all you think of, besides martial arts."  
  
Ranma shrugged. The two of them hurried to school.  
  
"Hiya, Ranchan!" Ukyo said as they walked through the school gate.  
  
"Hi, Ukyo."  
  
"Are you guys ready for that test?" Ukyo asked.  
  
"Yeah," Akane said.  
  
Ranma stopped. "Whoa, whoa! What test?"  
  
Akane sighed. "Don't you remember? We're having a test in Miss   
Hinako's class."  
  
"When did this happen?"  
  
"You would have known if you had been paying attention during this   
week's lessons," Akane said.  
  
"It's not my fault!" Ranma exclaimed. "The old freak came by and I had   
to take care of him before he did anything!"  
  
The three continued to talk as they headed to the school.  
  
"Prepare thyself, Ranma Saotome!" Kuno shouted, bursting out of the   
building.  
  
Ranma sidestepped Kuno's attack, and kicked him. "Can you guys let me   
see the notes on... whatever it is the test is on?" he asked Akane and Ukyo.  
  
"It's your own fault," Akane said. "I don't see why we should."  
  
"Aw, c'mon."  
  
Kuno popped up right next to Akane. "See, fair Akane, how unschooled   
and crude the cretin Saotome is? I, on the other hand, am well taught in   
the instructions of our educators." He grabbed her hand. "Come! Leave   
him, and-"  
  
*Wham!*  
  
Akane shouldered her mallet.  
  
"Um... Akane?" Ukyo said, and pointed. Courtesy of Air Akane, Kuno   
was about to crash into someone across the schoolyard.  
  
"Look out!" the three martial artists yelled.  
  
The boy who was about to be hit looked up, and say Kuno incoming.   
He raised his hand and pointed an open palm at the airborne kendoist.  
  
*Wham!*  
  
Ranma, Akane, and Ukyo ran over. The boy, a foreigner, was unharmed,   
while Kuno was lying unconscious on the ground.  
  
"Are you okay?" Akane asked. "How did you stop him?"  
  
The boy shrugged, a bit nervous. He was a bit taller than Ranma,   
with short, spiky blond hair. He was dressed in jeans, sneakers, and a   
light jacket. "Localized barrier field," he said. "He caught me by surprise."  
  
"A what?" Ranma asked.  
  
"A... er..." The boy glanced around.  
  
*Rrriiiinnnng!*  
  
They all blinked.  
  
"We're late!" they all yelled. A small stampede ensued.  
  
Later, Kuno woke up.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
As class started, Miss Hinako made an announcement.  
  
"Class, today we are getting a new student," Hinako bubbled.  
  
The students started talking to each other.  
  
Ranma leaned over to Akane. "Hey, you don't think it'll be..."  
  
"Class!" Miss Hinako said, pulling out a coin. There was a collective   
'eep' and everyone became silent.  
  
Hinako smiled. "Thank you." She turned to the door. "You can come   
in now."  
  
As the new student walked in, Ranma rolled his eyes. /Knew it./  
  
It was the blond-haired gaijin from the school yard, only now dressed   
in a school uniform.  
  
"This is Mr. Tagard, an exchange student from the United States." Hinako   
looked at a paper and frowned in confusion. "Excuse me, Mr. Tagard?"  
  
He blinked. "Yes?"  
  
"It only has that written down for your name. What is your family name?"   
she asked.  
  
"Oh, that. It's just 'Tagard'."  
  
Hinako tilted her head, and then shrugged. "Okay!" she said, suddenly   
smiling. "You can sit at the empty desk there."  
  
Tagard nodded, and walked to it.  
  
"Okay! Now are you all ready for the test?" Hinako asked happily. The   
class groaned.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
During the lunch break, a group of students crowded around Tagard.   
For his part, he appeared to be a bit embarrassed. More so, he looked   
slightly panicked when the events of that morning were brought up by Ranma.  
  
"I don't really know what you mean," Tagard said.  
  
"You know," Ranma pressed. "When you held out your hand and stopped   
Kuno from crashing into you."  
  
Hiroshi nodded. "I saw that, you didn't even touch him. He just   
stopped in mid-air."  
  
"Mmmgsntrnng," Tagard mumbled.  
  
"What was that?" a student asked.  
  
"I'm a magus-in-training," Tagard said louder.  
  
"Is that like a wizard or something?" Ukyo asked.  
  
Tagard nodded.  
  
"Oh," everyone said.  
  
"That makes sense," someone said.  
  
"I figured it was something like that," said another. The crowd   
slowly dispersed.  
  
Tagard gaped. "That was... unexpected."  
  
"What d'you mean?" Ranma asked.  
  
"I was expecting more of a reaction. Disbelief, suspicion, something."  
  
Hiroshi patted Tagard on the back. "Believe me, with all we've seen,   
you being a wizard-"  
  
"Magus-in-training."  
  
"-whatever, is pretty acceptable."  
  
Tagard frowned. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing."  
  
"We've had ghosts, oni, shrunken perverts, magic pills, magic mirrors,   
magic curses..." Ukyo counted off.  
  
"Magic curses?" Tagard asked.  
  
"Yeah." Hiroshi motioned to Daisuke. The other boy walked out.  
  
"Oh no," Ranma said. "You're not-"  
  
*Splash!*  
  
Ranma glared at Daisuke, who had come back in with a glass of water   
and poured the contents over Ranma. He and Hiroshi dashed away.  
  
*Poof!*  
  
A thin cloud of red smoke drifted up from Tagard, who was now wearing   
the same clothes he had been that morning.  
  
"What just happened?" Akane asked.  
  
"~What did you say?~"  
  
"What?" Ukyo said.  
  
"~Huh?~" Tagard looked sown, and saw his clothes. "~What the...?~"  
  
"Why aren't you talking in Japanese?" Ranma asked.  
  
"~I don't understand... hold on.~" Tagard reached into his schoolbag   
and took out a small leather-bound booklet. "~Enlarge.~"  
  
They all jumped back as the booklet suddenly grew until it was about   
the size of a door.  
  
"~Not that much!~" Tagard shouted at it. "~Reduce to base size.~"  
  
The book shrunk to the size of a regular textbook. Tagard picked it   
up and started leafing through the pages. After finding a particular page,   
he started tracing several symbols with his finger and reading them out loud.   
"~Krel donm etla, segu nac tob.~"  
  
A red glow surrounded him for a second, and then he was dressed in   
his school uniform again. "That's better," he said.  
  
"What just happened?" Ranma-chan asked.  
  
"I don't know. I think all my running enchantments were dispelled."  
  
"But why couldn't you talk- oh," Ukyo said.  
  
"I'm using a spell until I can learn Japanese well enough," Tagard   
said.  
  
"And the clothes?" asked Ranma.  
  
"I don't really like uniforms," Tagard explained, "so I just set up   
an illusion of wearing one." He closed the book. "Reduce by... 65 percent,   
and lock command."  
  
The book shrank back to the size they had originally seen it as. Tagard   
placed it back in his bag. He looked at Ranma. "Is that change real? Or   
an illusion?"  
  
"It's real, unfortunately," the currently female male said.  
  
"How did it happen?"  
  
Before Ranma could answer, Miss Hinako (despite her childlike stature   
at the moment) loomed over the group. "Class has begun."  
  
Akane, Ukyo, and Ranma scrambled for their own desks.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
"... and that's when me and Pop went to the Tendo's," Ranma said, finishing   
the story of his curse.  
  
Tagard was walking with Ranma, Akane, and Ukyo after school had ended.   
He nodded as Ranma finished.  
  
"That seems simple enough actually. I don't know why when your curse   
was activated my spells fizzled like that, though."  
  
"What about how you made that book of yours change size?" Ranma asked.   
"That seemed to work."  
  
"Different magic," Tagard said. "For one thing, the dimension-alteration   
is not a semi-permanent enchantment, but an effect that occurs only when the   
proper command is given. The actually spell is inlaid in the tome."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Tagard took out the mini-spellbook. "Enlarge to base size." After it   
had grown, he opened it to the first page. "Hmm... well, you see this squiggle   
part here?"  
  
The martial artists nodded.  
  
"This is part of that spell," said Tagard. "The first dozen or so   
pages are inlaid spells, which only affect the book. They're sort of... more   
permanent, since they are actually powered by the writings. Since things   
like my translation, illusions, and preset size commands are aren't written   
down in the same way, directions instead of actual active spells, they can   
be dispelled easier, and I see from the looks on your faces I've lost you."(1)  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
"I don't blame you. I just gave you a generalized translation of what   
I had been told, which I didn't even understand that much. Let's just say   
they are different, and that's why."  
  
"So what are you doing here in Nerima, anyway?" Ukyo asked.  
  
"You guys really want to know?"  
  
They nodded.  
  
He waved them in conspiratorially. "Well, the truth is..."  
  
Pause.  
  
"... I have absolutely no idea."  
  
The martial artists facefaulted.  
  
"What?" he asked innocently.  
  
Ranma grabbed Tagard's jacket. "Stop jerking us around!"  
  
Tagard shrugged. "It's the truth. The guys upstairs at my Order   
pretty much said 'go here,' and you don't really argue with people like them.   
They got me a house in the area, and I just moved in this morning."  
  
"A house? Where?" Akane asked.  
  
Tagard stopped walking. "Right there, actually," he said, pointing.  
  
Tagard's house was about the same size as the Tendo's, though with   
a smaller yard. In fact there was virtually nothing noteworthy about it,   
except for one thing. It was located in what used to be the vacant lot right   
next to the Tendo Dojo.  
  
"How did that get there!?"  
  
Tagard waggled his fingers at them. "Magic. They had it built and   
then transported it over."  
  
"Great," Ranma said. "We have a wizard-"  
  
"Magus-in-training."  
  
"-whatever, living right next door."  
  
"Oh? Where do you live?" Tagard asked.  
  
"Right there, at the Tendo Dojo."  
  
"Cool. We're neighbors." Tagard walked up to the door of his house.   
"Oh, waitasec... I should introduce you to him, then."  
  
"Him who?"  
  
"You'll see." He walked a few feet away from the door, and placed   
his spellbook on the ground. He motioned for Ranma, Akane, and Ukyo to move   
to the side. Curious, they did so.  
  
Tagard tiptoed up to the door, took a deep breath, and opened it   
while diving to the side.  
  
"~I'm home!~"  
  
There was a sudden flurry of movement from inside the house, and a large   
shape came barreling out of the doorway.  
  
"~Entrap!~" Tagard shouted.  
  
A large beam of light shot out from the book and hit the form as it   
passed over the book. There was a sharp *twang!*, and it was sucked into   
Tagard's book.  
  
The wizard ("Magus-in-training!") stood and dusted himself off. He   
calmly strolled over and picked it up.  
  
"What the hell was that?" Ranma asked.  
  
"That's Rhinhok, my demon."  
  
Tagard rapped on the book's cover with his knuckle. The leather   
cover shifted, until a lizard-like face appeared in the material.  
  
"~Dammit! Dammit! Lemme outa here!~" the face shouted.  
  
"Temper, temper," Tagard said.  
  
"~Ta hell with my temper! I! Want! Out!~"  
  
Tagard faced the book at the martial artists. "Guys, meet Rhinhok.   
Rhinhok, meet Ranma Saotome, Akane Tendo, and Ukyo Kuonji."  
  
"~Nice to friggin' meet you.~"  
  
"Rhinhok, in Japanese."  
  
"Nice to friggin' meet you," the demon repeated.  
  
"Don't mind him," Tagard said. "He just gets cranky in there. Release."  
  
The face sank into the book, and then a small shape fell out.  
  
"About time," Rhinhok mumbled.  
  
The demon stood about one foot tall, was three feet long, and had three   
sets of limbs: four legs, and a pair of hand/claws in front. It was dark   
green in color, with intricate patterns of scales on it's hide. It hopped   
up onto Tagard's shoulder, and wrapped its tail around his neck. Making   
the semblance of a grin, it revealed a row of short, razor-sharp fangs, and   
a long, snake-like tongue.  
  
"What the..." Ranma said.  
  
Tagard smiled apologetically. "Sorry about the little scene there.   
He's been reading too much 'Calvin and Hobbes'."  
  
Akane, Ranma, and Ukyo just stared.  
  
"Wassa matter?" Rhinhok asked. "Ain't you ever seen a demon before?"  
  
"No," Akane said.  
  
"Oh, in that case..." Rhinhok fiddled around with its foreclaws,   
and produced a small business card from thin air. He leaped over to Akane's   
shoulder, and handed it to her.  
  
Glancing at the demon on her shoulder, she dutifully read the card.   
"Rhinhok, professional demon familiar. Mentor, servant, companion, and   
comic sidekick." As she finished, the card disappeared.  
  
"I also do Bar Mitzvahs," Rhinhok said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Ferget it." He jumped down to the ground and trotted into the house.  
  
"This has been one of the stranger days of my life," Ranma said.  
  
"I'd invite you in," Tagard said," but we're still unpacking a bunch   
of stuff. See you tomorrow!" He walked into his house.  
  
"Why do I feel like this is going to bring trouble?" Ranma sighed.  
  
Akane and Ukyo just nodded in agreement.  
  
(1) This mysticbabble was brought to you by Confusing Talk Unlimited,   
also manufacturers of technobabble, double talk, and rants.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
The next day during lunch, Ranma, Hiroshi, Daisuke, and Tagard chatted   
while playing a game of poker.  
  
"So, just what kind of stuff can you do?" Hiroshi asked Tagard as he   
dealt out the cards.  
  
"Compared to most of my teachers, not that much. It's mostly- I'll   
take two cards- just basic stuff. Illusions, small enchantments, wards..."  
  
"Can you throw fireballs?" asked Daisuke.  
  
"Technically, yes."  
  
"Technically?"  
  
"I'm not that good at aiming them."  
  
"Ah," the other boys said.  
  
"I'm getting better at it! And that barrel shouldn't have been there anyway!"  
  
They nodded, and continued with the game.  
  
"Two pair," said Hiroshi.  
  
"Straight," said Daisuke.  
  
"Three-of-a-kind," said Tagard.  
  
"Nothin'," muttered Ranma.  
  
Daisuke grinned and pulled in the small amount he had just won.  
  
As the next hand was dealt out, Tagard shivered. "Brrr..."  
  
"What's the matter?" Ranma asked.  
  
Tagard shook his head. "Dunno. I just had this chill go down my spine."  
  
"What a haul, what a haul!"  
  
Everyone in the classroom froze. They looked out the window.  
  
Happosai bounded along the ground, followed closely by a mob of   
girls wielding brooms.  
  
"Damn, it's the old freak," Ranma said.  
  
"Who?" Tagard asked.  
  
"An old pervert. He's always stealing girls underwear and stuff.   
Is always making trouble for everyone." Ranma opened the window and jumped   
down. "Time to give it up, ya old freak!"  
  
"Ah, Ranma!" Happosai said. "I was hoping to see you! This is   
for stopping me two days ago!" He pulled out a Happo-fire-burst.  
  
Up in the classroom, Tagard muttered something under his breath and   
casually waved his hand.  
  
*Wham!* *Boom!*  
  
Tagard released the force dome he had created around Happosai, and watched   
the crowd of angry girls commit violence on the old martial artist.  
  
"Whoa," Daisuke said.  
  
"That was beautiful," Hiroshi added. "A slam, an explosion, and followed   
up with a savage beating."  
  
When the girls finished and took back the stolen... items, a charred,   
battered Happosai lay in a small crater. He crawled to his feet.  
  
"Who... who did that!" he demanded.  
  
"Yo."  
  
Happosai looked up to see Tagard waving.  
  
"Why you! How dare you interfere!" Happosai shouted.  
  
"I always do what I'm best at," Tagard called down.  
  
"Is that so? Take this! Happo-fire-burst!"  
  
Tagard created another barrier and let the firework explode against   
it.  
  
"Nice work, sonny," Happosai said from behind Tagard. "But you should   
never lose track of your opponent."  
  
*Push*  
  
"Aaaah!" Tagard screamed as he was shoved out the third-floor window.   
He fell down halfway to the ground, stopped, started zigzagging in the air,   
and crashed into the wall.  
  
"Did I mention I also need to work on levitation?" Tagard shakily said.  
  
Happosai cackled from where he stood on the windowsill.  
  
Ranma helped Tagard up. "For some strange reason, I don't like him,"   
the wiz... magus-in-training said.  
  
"Join the club."  
  
Screams were heard from the classroom. Ranma leapt up to the window,   
only to be hit with Happosai.  
  
*Crash!*  
  
"Oops!" said Akane. "Sorry, Ranma."  
  
Ranma, Happosai, and Akane's mallet landed in a pile on the ground.  
  
Happosai climbed on top of Ranma. "Akane, how could you?" He jumped   
up toward her.  
  
*Wham!*  
  
"Not again," Happosai said. He was slowly lowered to the ground in front   
of Tagard. Happosai tried to push at his invisible prison.  
  
"It's a full sphere," Tagard said. "Sledge."  
  
Back in the classroom, a tiny spark leapt out of Tagard's spellbook,   
and flew down to him. When it reached his hand, it grew into a large sledge   
hammer.  
  
Happosai's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't."  
  
"Wanna bet?" Tagard brought the sledge hammer back like a golf club.  
  
"~Fore!~"  
  
*WHAM!*  
  
"I'll get yoooouuuuuuuu!"  
  
"By that time, I hope to have come up with a plan," said Tagard. Then,   
frowning, he looked down at his feet.  
  
"Oh, sh-"  
  
*Poof!* *BOOM!*  
  
Ranma blinked. As the dust from the bomb cleared, a small wisp of   
red smoke and a spark faded.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
*Poof!*  
  
"-it!" Tagard yelped. He paused, and looked around.  
  
"How did I... get up here?"  
  
Tagard was standing on the top of the school's clock tower. He peered   
over the edge of the roof.  
  
"More to the point, HOW DO I GET DOWN!? HELP!"  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Notes:  
This story is a second shot at my very first fanfic, "Insane Magic." The   
original version, being my first attempt, wasn't quite as good, and had at some   
point ended up missing a fair number of sections. If you actually want to see   
it, it's on my site, , with all my other fics.  
Send any comments, criticism, questions, etc... to Wakoid2@aol.com.  
See you. Bye. Read my stuff. 


	2. Part 2

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 does not belong to me in any way. Characters   
I have created on my own do. All (if any) cameos belong to whomever created/   
owns them. Always remember, being sued is not a good thing.  
  
" " is when someone is talking in Japanese  
"~ ~" is when someone is talking in English  
:: :: is one of Genma-panda's signs, or anything written down for that matter  
/ / is thought  
* * is sound effects  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
Insane Magic: Version 2 1/2  
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic  
Written By Nathan Huss  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
I Control The Vertical.  
  
(Cut to Happosai tossing Ranma into the air with his pipe.)  
  
I Control The Horizontal.  
  
(Cut to Akane smashing Kuno into a wall with her mallet.)  
  
I Control... The Explosions!  
  
(Cut to Tokyo Tower blowing up for no reason whatsoever.)  
  
UKYO: "You really enjoy doing this, don't you?"  
  
Can't You Tell?  
  
UKYO: "I'm still not sure if you should be doing this."  
  
I'm Taking This Gag For All It's Worth.  
  
UKYO: "Suit yourself."  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
"~Now, add the powder.~"  
  
Tagard sighed, and emptied a small vial into the brazier in front   
of him.  
  
"~Next, the chocolate sprinkles.~"  
  
The magus-in-training whirled on his demon familiar. "~Oh, come   
on!~"  
  
"~You think I'm lyin'?~" Rhinhok asked.  
  
"~I doubt mages who lived over 10000 years ago had chocolate   
sprinkles!~" Tagard shouted.  
  
"~Well, no,~" the demon said. "~It's just a substitute. The real   
ingredient hasn't been around for 'bout 7000 years.~"  
  
Tagard sighed. "~Fine, I'll put them in.~"  
  
"~That's better. Next step, add some chocolate syrup before the   
sprinkles burn completely.~"  
  
"~Yeah, right! Lemme see the book!~"  
  
Rhinhok leaped back as Tagard lunged at him. "~Would I lie to   
you?~"  
  
"~Yes! Sledge!~"  
  
*Smash!*  
  
Tagard swung the summoned sledgehammer at Rhinhok, missing by inches.   
The demon grew until it loomed over him. "~Cut that out!~"  
  
"~Let me see the book then!~"  
  
*Smash!*  
  
"~Fine! You want it? Here!~" Rhinhok lobbed the spellbook at Tagard.  
  
*Wham!*  
  
"~Ooof!~" Tagard gasped as the tome knocked the air out of his lungs.   
He managed to grab it before it dropped.  
  
"~Return weapon,~" he said, banishing the sledgehammer. He turned the   
pages to the spell they had been working on. "~Let's see, '... ignite oil,   
add oak leaf, powdered blood, poisonous Raggun petals (this can be replaced   
with chocolate sprinkles).'~" He blinked.  
  
"~Tole ya,~" Rhinhok said smugly.  
  
Tagard ignored that comment, and continued to read. "~'Before the   
previous component is burned completely, add the sap of the Raggun plant   
(which can be replaced with chocolate syrup). If not done in time, there   
will be...'~"  
  
Tagard froze, and dashed for the brazier. He was too late, though.  
  
*KABOOM!*  
  
Rhinhok coughed in the thick cloud of smoke and dust. He peered   
through the new skylight in the ceiling of the house.  
  
"~It's amazing what chocolate can do.~"  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Ranma and his father were sparring in the Tendo's yard.  
  
"Getting slow, pop?" Ranma asked. "You haven't landed one hit yet."   
He dodged around a kick, and returned with one of his own. Genma was   
knocked toward the pond, but managed to prevent himself from falling in.  
  
"Nice try, son," he said. "Now, get ready for-"  
  
*KABOOM!*  
  
Both Saotomes looked towards Tagard's house, which now had a column   
of smoke rising from one of the rooms.  
  
"What was that?" they both asked.  
  
"~Aaaaaaaaaaaah!~"  
  
They looked up.  
  
"~Idon'twannadie!Idon'twannadie!Idon'twannadie!~"  
  
*Splash!*  
  
Tagard fell from the sky, and landed right in the middle of the Tendo's   
pond. He was wearing his usual clothes, except for a dark red and brown robe   
(and now soaked, along with everything else he had on) with strange symbols   
sewn in that he was wearing over everything. His hair was slightly singed,   
but otherwise fine besides being wet. He sat up in the water, and examined   
himself.  
  
"~Cool. I didn't die. That's always good.~"  
  
He scrambled out of the pond, shook out a few small fish, and   
stretched. Tagard then noticed where he was. He grabbed his spellbook,   
which had fallen onto a nearby rock, and cast his translation spell.  
  
"Good morning, Ranma," he said. "What's with the panda?"  
  
"That's my dad."  
  
"Oh, the 'stupid old fool' you told me about?"  
  
Genma-panda glared at his son.  
  
"Yeah," said Ranma. "What just happened at your place?"  
  
"Just trying out a divination spell. Unfortunately, I didn't add   
the chocolate syrup in time."  
  
"Huh? Chocolate syrup?"  
  
Tagard nodded. "That was pretty much my reaction."  
  
"Oh, hi Tagard," Akane said, walking out onto the porch. She looked   
at him. "Why are you all wet?"  
  
"For very important and convoluted reasons that I'd rather not talk   
about right now because I'd probably end up making a fool of myself," the   
wizard ("Magus-in-training, you stupid author!") replied.  
  
"Um... ok, I guess."  
  
Genma, who had been trying to get someone's attention, raised one of   
his signs.  
  
::Ranma, just who is this boy?::  
  
"Oh, right. This is Tagard, from the U.S.," Ranma said. "He's moved   
next door, and is in me and Akane's class at school."  
  
::Why is he dressed like that?:: Genma asked.  
  
"He's a wiz-"  
  
Tagard coughed.  
  
"- magus-in-training."  
  
"Thank you," said Tagard. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go change   
into dry clothes for school. Which way is the door?"  
  
"Can't you just magic yourself dry, or something?" Ranma asked.  
  
"Well, I suppose. I'd rather not, though."  
  
"Why not?" Akane asked.  
  
"The only way I can think of doing that is a variation of a fireball   
spell. Besides, I have to go back to my house for breakfast anyway." He   
frowned, and then hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Right. I   
just blew up the kitchen. Damn."  
  
"If you want, I'm sure my sister Kasumi could make some extra food,"   
Akane offered. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind."  
  
"Really?" Tagard asked. "That'd be great. Let me dry off then, so   
I don't drip on your floor."  
  
A bit later, they managed to extinguish his clothing.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Kasumi was able to prepare an extra serving for Tagard, who had had   
to summon a new set of clothes for himself, and now everyone was sitting   
down, eating. However, it was almost completely silent, as Tagard and   
Happosai were having a glaring contest from opposite sides of the table.  
  
"So, er... Tagard," Soun said cautiously. "Are you enjoying living   
here in Nerima?"  
  
Tagard nodded sharply, keeping an eye on Happosai.  
  
"I hear that you are a wizard of some sort."  
  
"A magus-in-training."  
  
"Is there a difference?" Nabiki asked.  
  
Tagard blinked. "I don't know. I guess there is. It was explained to   
me one time, but I forget what exactly it is." He ate some of his food,   
trying to remember.  
  
"How did you become a magus-in-training?" asked Kasumi. "Is it very   
difficult?"  
  
Tagard shook his head. "Not particularly," he said. "At least I   
don't think so. It usually runs in families."  
  
"So your parents are also able to use magic?"  
  
Tagard shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah..."  
  
Before anything else could be said, a loud, booming shouted rattled   
the house.  
  
"~HEY, TAG!~"  
  
Tagard groaned. "A vocal enhancement," he muttered. "As if he isn't   
loud enough already." He cleared the table in front of him, and placed his   
book on it.  
  
"Recall partner demon."  
  
There was a flash of red light, and Rhinhok appeared on top of the book   
in his small form.  
  
"~Oh, so here you are,~" the demon said. "~I was lookin' for where ya   
landed. You hurt?~"  
  
"No," Tagard said. "I managed to come out of it okay."  
  
"What... what is this... thing?" Soun asked.  
  
Rhinhok hopped over to him. "A demon. Gotta problem with that?"  
  
"Oh, no. None at all."  
  
"Glad ta hear it," Rhinhok said. Tagard reached across the table   
and grabbed his demon by the back of its neck. He placed it on his shoulder.  
  
"So, these are the neighbors?" asked Rhinhok.  
  
"Uh-huh." Tagard introduced Rhinhok to the Tendo's, Genma, and,   
reluctantly, Happosai. "Hey, where's Nabiki?"  
  
"She left a little while after your friend arrived," Kasumi said.   
"She didn't want to be late for school."  
  
Tagard's eyes widened. Ranma and Akane, who were a lot quicker to   
recover, had already run out.  
  
Tagard grabbed his book, and ran out of the room full tilt. "Thanks   
for breakfast!" he called back.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
"Miss Hinako's gonna drain us if we're late," Ranma said.  
  
"If you had been paying attention to what time it was, we wouldn't have   
to worry about that," Akane replied.  
  
"Hey, I didn't see you noticing either."  
  
As Akane and Ranma neared the school, they saw Kuno standing at the   
gate, waiting for them.  
  
"At last you show thy cowardly face," Kuno said. "Prepare thyself,   
Saotome!"  
  
Ranma prepared for his daily (if not short) fight with Kuno, but then   
heard a sound behind him.  
  
"Gangway!" Tagard shouted. Ranma and Akane quickly stepped to the side   
to let him pass. As he zoomed by, they could see a slight afterimage behind   
him.  
  
Kuno frowned, and leveled his bokken at the rapidly approaching   
figure. "Halt!" he commanded.  
  
Tagard attempted to brake, but was unsuccessful, and ended up   
skidding into Kuno.  
  
*Crash!*  
  
Magus and kendoist collided, knocking the latter down.  
  
"Whoops."  
  
Ranma and Akane walked up behind him. "Hey, what took you so long to   
get here?" Ranma asked.  
  
"Hold on, I have to turn this off," Tagard said. He murmured a few   
syllables, and a small red glow disappeared.  
  
"Sorry about that," he said. "I had to dispel a spell I used to speed   
myself up. I had to rush over to my house to grab all my stuff."  
  
"`Cept he forgot to get the part for stopping right," Rhinhok said,   
hopping out of Tagard's schoolbag.  
  
"If I _had_, I would have been late anyway!"  
  
"It was four measly words!"  
  
"Sure, if you happen to have two tongues," Tagard retorted.  
  
"Excuse me for your own genetic defects!"  
  
"Silence!" Kuno shouted. "Who are you, who would assail the personage   
of the Blue Thunder?"  
  
"I'm Tagard. Now go away, we're having a discussion here."  
  
"Dost thou think you can address the great Tatewaki Kuno in such a   
manner?"  
  
"Hey, Kuno," Ranma said. "You don't want to bother them."  
  
"So, you defend the varlet? No doubt he is a new ally of yours." He   
turned to Tagard. "You there! Do you associate thyself with the fiend   
Saotome?"  
  
Tagard paused in hitting Rhinhok over the head with the spellbook.   
"What? Yeah, yeah, sure."  
  
"As I thought. Prepare yourself!"  
  
Tagard saw the wooden sword descending, and instinctively put up his   
arms to block.  
  
Rhinhok tackled Tagard, knocking him out of the blade's path.  
  
"Better pay more attention to what people are doing," the demon said.   
It turned to face Kuno, growing bigger as it did. "Listen, pal, just go away   
before I have to rough ya up."  
  
Kuno hesitated, but quickly recovered. "So, you conjure monsters to   
defend yourself. No matter, I shall still smite thee!"  
  
Rhinhok spun around on all his limbs, and used his tail to trip Kuno,   
and then jumped on him down. Rhinhok bared his teeth right near Kuno's   
face, and growled.  
  
"Who're you calling a 'monster'?"  
  
Kuno gulped. "Pardon, I must have misspoken."  
  
"Right, buddy. I'm a demon, not a monster."  
  
Kuno, along with everyone else, was a bit confused at the distinction.   
"If you say so."  
  
Rhinhok smiled, which didn't comfort Kuno any, and stepped off of the   
kendoist. "Okay, you boys can fight now."  
  
"What!?" Tagard shouted.  
  
"Think of it as a progress test," said Rhinhok.  
  
"This is for sticking you in the book before, isn't it."  
  
"Well... yeah."  
  
"Bastard."  
  
"Only too true."  
  
"Stand and fight!" Kuno bellowed, charging at Tagard. He sliced   
forward with his bokken.  
  
Tagard raised both of his hands, and created a barrier. Kuno's   
wooden sword bounced off, but Tagard lurched slightly.  
  
Akane and Ranma began to go over to help, but Rhinhok stopped them.  
  
"Just let the two of 'em duke it out for a bit," it said.  
  
"But-"  
  
"Don't worry, I won't let anything _really_ bad happen to Tag."  
  
Kuno tried to maneuver around the magic shield, but Tagard kept it   
directly between them.  
  
"Coward," Kuno said. "Why dost thou hide behind such protection?   
Come and do battle!"  
  
"I'll fight my own way, thank you," Tagard said. He raised his   
arms. "~Hegelt zri tethka tlask!~"  
  
Tagard's form blurred, and spread out. Soon, there were four   
identical Tagards facing Kuno.  
  
"Wow," Ranma said. "What's that one?"  
  
"'Compass Split'," answered Rhinhok. "It creates three ambulatory   
illusions of the caster, which act just like the real one."  
  
"Which is the real one?" asked Akane.  
  
The Tagards grinned.  
  
"That's-"  
  
"-the-"  
  
"-trick,-"  
  
"-isn't it?"  
  
"Such petty tricks cannot fool the great Tatewaki Kuno," Kuno said.   
"I strike!"  
  
All of the Tagards jumped out of the way. Moving quickly, they formed   
a circle around the kendoist. Kuno lashed out at one, only to have his   
bokken pass through it.  
  
"Sorry,-"  
  
"-wrong one."  
  
"Care to-"  
  
"-try again?"  
  
Kuno began to look worried.  
  
"Looks like Tagard's going to win," Akane said.  
  
"Only if he hurries up," Rhinhok muttered.  
  
Kuno attacked another one of the Tagards, which dodged out of the   
way. Then, all of them grabbed for the bokken.  
  
"So, you think to disarm me?" asked Kuno. "Methinks not!" He   
wrenched the wooden blade away from them and swung in a long horizontal arc.   
It passed through one of them, and then hit something a few inches in front   
of the next. The air crackled, and three of the Tagards flickered for a   
second.  
  
"Thought so," Rhinhok said.  
  
"What is it?" Ranma asked.  
  
"Tagard has too many spells running. He's currently using the   
translation, his school uniform illusion, the Compass Split, and a shield.   
All of them are overtaxing his personal magic reserves."  
  
Kuno attacked the Tagard that had not flickered. Forced to retreat,   
the real Tagard dispelled the other images of himself.  
  
"Ha ha! I have seen through your deception!" Kuno boasted. "Will   
you surrender now, dark sorcerer?"  
  
"It's 'magus-in-training,' and no!"  
  
"Then have at thee! Attack-attack-attack-attack-attack-attack-attack-  
attack-attack-attack!"  
  
Releasing his patented flurry of strikes, Kuno struck at Tagard's shield.   
With each blow, Tagard would stumble slightly, and the shield would crackle.  
  
Tagard made a few mystic passes with his hand, and started chanting some   
unknown phrase. Rhinhok, seeing this, paled (and that's pretty hard to do   
when you have scales). He grabbed Ranma and Akane, and galloped behind a wall.  
  
"What's the big idea?" Ranma asked as the demon put them down.  
  
"Ya don't wanna be close by when he does this next spell. I'd suggest   
covering yer ears."  
  
The two martial artists followed Rhinhok's advice, but peeked over   
the wall to see what was happening.  
  
Kuno was close to breaking through the shield and each time it was hit   
a wave of pain seemed to hit Tagard. Eventually, Tagard jumped back and got   
rid of the shield completely.  
  
"I have you now!" Kuno shouted, preparing for the finishing blow. Tagard   
braced his feet and took a deep breath.  
  
"Here it comes," Rhinhok said.  
  
A piercing shriek echoed across the school grounds. Almost visible   
waves of sound spread out from Tagard in a sphere. Those students still   
outside clapped their hands to their ears, and tried to move away from the   
source of the clamor. Several windows in the school on the wall facing   
Tagard were shattered instantly, while others developed large cracks.  
  
Kuno, being closest to the noise, was blaster by the wall of sound.   
He was sent flying backward, until he crashed into a tree. He slumped to   
the ground, unconscious.  
  
The shriek eventually died down, and the students uncovered their ears.  
  
Ranma and Akane jogged over to Tagard, followed by Rhinhok.  
  
"Good job," Ranma said. "You really got him."  
  
"What was that, anyway?" Akane asked. "I almost thought my eardrums   
were going to burst."  
  
"'Cry of the Banshee'," Tagard said in a hoarse voice. "Only attack   
spell I've mastered."  
  
"It's hell on the vocal cords," said Rhinhok. He shrank and jumped   
onto Tagard's shoulder. "Luckily, the caster is immune to the sound itself.   
Sword-boy there, on the other hand, won't be hearing things for about a day   
or so."  
  
"Too bad that probably won't stop him from talking," Ranma said.  
  
Akane and Tagard nodded in agreement.  
  
"Wait, aren't we forgetting something?" Tagard asked.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
"Saotome, Tendo, and Tagard, late," Miss Hinako said. "Fill up some   
buckets and stand in the hall."  
  
Ranma and Akane sighed in relief that Hinako wasn't going to drain   
their ki.  
  
"By the way, Mr. Tagard," the child-like teacher added, "pets are   
not allowed in school."  
  
"I am _not_ a _pet_! I am an extradimensional entity!"  
  
Hinako's eyes widened. "It can talk? Neat! I want one!"  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Akane, Ranma, and Tagard walked home from school. Rhinhok was taking   
a nap on his usual place on Tagard.  
  
"Why does he like it there so much?" Akane asked.  
  
"It's a convenient spot for him," Tagard said. "It's hard for him to   
fall off from there, and he gets a higher viewpoint than if he were on the ground."  
  
"How'd you meet him?" asked Ranma.  
  
"A magus usually gets a demon when they start their training, as a   
mentor and companion. Rhinhok actually used to work with my great-great-  
grandfather. When he retired, he gave me his book, and Rhinhok came along   
with it."  
  
"Your great-great-grandfather? How old is he?" Akane asked.  
  
"Last he checked, about 365 years," said Tagard. "He figured he was   
starting to get old."  
  
"Starting?" Ranma said.  
  
Tagard smiled. "I know, I know. It's just that mages have longer   
life spans from using magic. I think it sort of slows down aging."  
  
"That must be why the freak and the ghoul haven't croaked yet,"   
Ranma said.  
  
"Who? There's a ghoul in town?"  
  
"Not really," Akane said. "She's-"  
  
*Ringring!*  
  
*Wham!*  
  
"Nihao, Ranma!" Shampoo said, landing her bicycle on his head. "You   
take Shampoo on date today?"  
  
Tagard blinked.   
  
"Shampoo," Ranma mumbled. "Do you mind getting off my skull?"  
  
"Oh, okay." She rolled the bike down his back, and then parked.  
  
"Do bikes fall from the sky often?" Tagard asked Akane.  
  
"Only hers," Akane replied, glaring at the amazon.  
  
Tagard shrugged. "So long as it doesn't fall on me, I don't mind."  
  
Shampoo glanced at the blond haired magus-in-training. "Who you?"  
  
"Tagard. Magus-in-training."  
  
"Is strange name," she said. "What that on you shoulder?"  
  
"A demon." Tagard controlled himself from commenting on her own name.   
/Is everyone here used to things like mages?/ Then, he peered at her.  
  
"Why you look at Shampoo?" Shampoo asked. "You get in trouble if you   
stare at amazon warrior."  
  
Tagard shook his head. "Just checking something. You wouldn't happen   
to have one of those Jusenkyo curses as well?"  
  
"Shampoo does. Change into cat," she answered. Ranma shivered a bit.   
"How you know about curses?"  
  
"He saw mine," Ranma said. "For some reason they seem to mess up his   
own magic."  
  
"Why they do that?"  
  
"I don't know," Tagard said. "It hasn't come up much, though."  
  
Of course, just then a light shower rained down. It stopped after a   
minute or two.  
  
"~Thank you very much!~" Tagard yelled at the sky. "~I didn't need a   
visual aid!~"  
  
"C-c-c-cat!" Ranma ran down the street at about Mach 2, followed   
closely by Shampoo-neko.  
  
Tagard shook his head. /I don't even want to know./  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Akane and Tagard brought Shampoo's bike back to the Nekohaten. Ranma   
and Shampoo had found their way there, and had changed back already. Akane   
went over to pry Shampoo off of Ranma.  
  
Tagard looked around the restaurant, and seemed to be looking for   
something. As he did, Rhinhok woke up.  
  
"*Yaaaaaaaaawn!* We home yet?"  
  
He hopped down onto a table. Noticing Tagard's distracted state,   
he looked around himself.  
  
"A restaurant? We eating out?" His eyes narrowed. "Wait, why do   
I sense...? Hey, Cologne!"  
  
Cologne hopped out of the kitchen. "Yes? What is- Rhinhok?"  
  
The demon grinned. "I thought I recognized that aura. Howya doin'?"  
  
"You know her?" Ranma and Tagard asked.  
  
"Sure! Tag's great-great-grandpa once ended up in her village.   
Musta been, oh, 115 years ago?"  
  
"117, to be exact," Cologne said, hopping over to the table. "How   
is Teglandi doing?"  
  
Rhinhok shrugged. "He retired from the biz about 12 years ago, and   
gave his tome to Tagard here. Of course, where it goes..."  
  
Cologne examined Tagard. "I see."  
  
Rhinhok turned to Tagard. "This here's Cologne. Teg and I had gone   
to China when we heard about the bunch of magic items her village had, and   
barely got out."  
  
"What do you mean?" Tagard asked.  
  
Ranma groaned. "Don't tell me..."  
  
Cologne nodded. "Yes, he almost married one of our tribe. Unfortunately,   
he managed to find a clause in the tribal laws that allowed him to escape."  
  
"Which was?" Ranma asked.  
  
She glanced at him. "Nothing you could use, son-in-law. It applies   
to the fact that he did not directly fight his opponent."  
  
Ranma sulked. "Damn."  
  
"So, what are you doin' around here?" Rhinhok asked.  
  
"My great-granddaughter Shampoo is married to this boy."  
  
"She is not, old ghoul!" Ranma shouted.  
  
Rhinhok snickered. "Tough luck, kid."  
  
"What about yourself?" Cologne asked. "From what I remember, most of   
Asia is far outside the Order's sphere of influence."  
  
"Not a clue," replied Rhinhok. "They told Tag to come here, and that   
was that."  
  
Tagard nodded. "They wouldn't even let me ask why. The only thing I   
can think of now is that it might have something to do with the Jusenkyo   
curses."  
  
"Is that so? Why do you think that?"  
  
"They seem to-"  
  
*Splash!*  
  
Akane had just poured a glass of water over Shampoo, who hadn't let go   
of Ranma. Tagard massaged his forehead while Ranma ran around the room in   
fear as Shampoo chased him.  
  
"~This is becoming too much of a regular occurrence,~" he mumbled.   
Sighing, he opened the spellbook again.  
  
"I believe I understand," Cologne said.  
  
Rhinhok watched Ranma's antics for a second. "~Hey Tag, I'm hungry.   
Howzabout we buy some food?~"  
  
"~Sure, I guess. I think I've got some money on me.~"  
  
Cologne nodded. "~I'll prepare some for the two of you.~"  
  
"When did you learn English?" Rhinhok asked, surprised.  
  
"I picked it up some time after you had left. It seemed like it would   
come in handy one day." She went into the kitchen.  
  
Tagard put down his book, and grabbed a nearby cup of tea. As Ranma   
and Shampoo sped past, he splashed it on the girl-turned-cat.  
  
"Whew, thanks man." Ranma collapsed into a chair.  
  
"~What did you say? Oh, damn it!~" Tagard started banging his head   
on the table.  
  
"He very strange person," Shampoo said.  
  
"It's part of the package deal," said Rhinhok. "At least he won't   
become eccentric for a couple decades. I hope."  
  
Ranma and Akane managed to stop Tagard before he seriously hurt himself   
or broke the table, and he cast the translation spell once more.  
  
"I swear, if that happens one more time, I'm going to get _really_   
angry at someone," he muttered.  
  
"Aw, is widdle Taggy getting mad?" Rhinhok asked.  
  
"Entrap," Tagard growled.  
  
"Oh, shi-"  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Later, back at his house, Tagard flopped onto his bed.  
  
"~Gods, I am sooooo tired.~"  
  
His spellbook bounced around where he had placed it on a desk.  
  
"~C'mon, I was only joking! Let me out of this thing!~" Rhinhok pleaded.  
  
Tagard shook his head. "~You can stay in there all night for all I   
care. I'm going to sleep.~"  
  
"~Damn it! Just let me out!~"  
  
"~Full contain.~"  
  
Rhinhok's face was sucked back into the cover, and the book stopped   
shaking.  
  
After a few minutes, Tagard was snoring quietly. Soon, a small figure   
appeared at the window and opened it. It snuck inside silently, and grabbed   
the spellbook before heading back out.  
  
Back in his room, Happosai grinned as he examined Tagard's book. "I'll   
show that young brat he can't cross me and get away with it." He opened to   
the first page.  
  
*Flash!*  
  
Happosai blinked as Rhinhok rose out of the book. "~Love that emergency   
release spell.~" He grew to about twice the size of Genma-panda. "Well,   
well. Looks like we have a thief on our hands," Rhinhok said.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
The next morning, an extremely beaten up Happosai limped to the Tendo's   
breakfast table.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Notes:  
And so ends the second chapter of Insane Magic: Version 2 1/2. Send   
any comments, criticism, questions, and whatnot to Wakoid2@aol.com. Read   
this and other fics of mine at . I start on   
the next chapter now. G'bye. 


End file.
